Deployment Woes

We have now come to the six months' mark of this deployment, and are finding ourselves begging and ready for some time together.  NJ's time home will be shortly, and I cannot wait until that day arrives.  I have learned a lot through this deployment, and I can attest that we have grown much stronger as a couple.  There have been some things that have been harder than the things I thought would be the hardest, but it's only made me stronger.  So many times I have to change subjects, or just walk away from conversations where people are trying to relate to a very unrelateable event in life.  I find it funny when people express their concern for living alone, sleeping alone, or just not knowing "how you do it".  The bottom line is - military spouses/families learn to "just do it", and in a sense, we don't even have the time to fathom "how" we do it, but just that it (along with so many other things) needs to be done.

I've learned a lot about myself.......

• I am stronger than I ever really realized.
• I am able to push myself beyond my own boundaries to accomplish things I want to accomplish (i.e. squashing bugs, taking out stinky trash, running more than from here to the mailbox, cooking and enjoying a delicious dinner by myself, hauling a grocery trip worth of groceries up three flights of stairs in one trip, taking out the dog at 11:30 at night when the boogey man is out, responding to scary noises in the house in my pjs, etc.).
• I am capable of running over two miles by myself, and with our puppy, and feeling completely confident in my stride, safety, and abilities.
• I am capable of teaching a dog, becoming pack leader, and balancing the whole good cop/bad cop routine with doggy discipline.
• I have been learning that, although my husband is phenomenal and my best friend, I am so happy to know myself and be confident in the woman I am (with or without him physically by my side).
• I've learned sometimes we have just to grin and bear when people try to shed light/wisdom on things they have no clue about - they are only trying to love on us a little.  Breathing exercises help in these situations as well. :)
• I am learning the process of really eating to live, and not living to eat.
• I've learned that eating by yourself isn't a bad thing.  I've sharpened my people watching skills, and have even learned to laugh out loud by myself and feel completely ok with that.
• I've discovered that I have a knack for cooking and baking, and have fully embraced this as a fun pasttime.
• I've become more open to allowing people into my life, and striking up conversation with completely strangers (at the gym, grocery store, etc.).
• I've learned to laugh even when I feel like crying (and let the pup lick all my tears away).
• I have no allowed myself any pity parties - just reminded myself it could be worse. I could be in the middle of nowhere with no one I know in a scary place where the food sucks and the air stinks.
• I've learned that although I'm functional on my own, I feel the most blossomed when my husband is around.
• The sound of my husband's voice still puts butterflies in my stomach and heart, as well as makes me relax with a sigh of relief.
• I've learned deployed husbands have bad days...they just don't tell you until after the fact. :)

Our relationship has grown in leaps and bounds....I feel we are both more confident and trusting, as well as finding our own individual two feet after being together for over six years.  We are still "us", but we are a stronger "us".

This deployment has made me immensely thankful for...

• my husband - he is truly an amazing person; strong; compassionate; has continued to pursue me throughout these 6 months; my best friend; and the one thing I can't wait to get back into my arms.
• a loving God. enough said.
• my family (blood and married into) - they have been my refuge during this deployment, whether it be meals, puppy sitting, celebrating birthdays, flowers, cards - they have helped me keep it together.
• our puppy - she's been a joy to light up my days, as well as a great topic for conversation with my husband after 6 months of our lives not overlapping much to produce a ton of conversation topics
• friends -- they've given me space to adjust in the beginning, called me when I was down, surprised me with little gifts in the mail, and reminded me that I'm not alone
• work - it's kept me busy, and allowed me to focus on something other than deployment for 8hrs a day
• summer break -- has reminded me to smell the roses, take everything in stride, and enjoy being a lil housewife

I won't say deployments are not hard.  I won't pretend that I haven't spent a few nights crying myself to sleep.  I won't pretend the dog didn't sleep at the door for the first month waiting for her papa goose to come home.  I won't lie and say that seeing his face on Skype doesn't make me miss him even more.  I will not say that the military life is just for anyone.  I will say that military spouses are some of the strongest people I know, and I have been so mindful that I have a million other warrior wives who have/will have/are in my same spot in life -- SO thankful to be part of the legacy, life, and love of our great country. I am no full time military wife, I am no soldier - but, I love our country, and I could not be happier to be the woman my sailor comes home to very soon.

xoxo,

H